


Spring Day Narcissus

by haknyeonsmrjoo



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: I'm so doomed, I'm very sorry, M/M, i have another plot in mind, i just let my fingertips type this, prepare your tissues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 01:21:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12400173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haknyeonsmrjoo/pseuds/haknyeonsmrjoo
Summary: Bae Jinyoung doesn't like seeing Lee Daehwi hurt.





	Spring Day Narcissus

**Author's Note:**

> This is what "Narcissus" and "Spring Day" did to me. I'm so sorry. Unbeta'd as of the moment, please bear with me.

It breaks my heart seeing you cry.

 

We have been friends ever since you extended your hand in front of me, one spring day. I was alone in the park, enjoying the newly bloomed flowers and the butterflies basking in the warm sunshine, adding color to the scenery in front of me.

“Hi, I’m Lee Daehwi! Hope we can be friends!”

I can remember that smile blinding me for a split second. How can a smile be brighter than the sun itself?

I shook your hand, and the time flew so fast it was already eight in the evening.

“This isn’t the first and last time, right, hyung?”

I swear to God I saw galaxies in your eyes. Galaxies with so much light and color, so much sparkle and shine. I could spend a day or two just staring at your eyes and I wouldn’t even get tired of it.

I was about to shake your hand for one more time, when you pulled me closer to you, giving you a hug. Sure, it seems very awkward giving someone a hug, given that you have just met him, but when our bodies have collided, it all seems like I have successfully finished the puzzle I have been working all my life.

I promised to myself that night won’t be the last, and it happened again.

 

We spent our every single second with each other on our side. It amazes me how we never run out of topics while I cannot hold water to every conversation other people would initiate for me. We talked about a lot of things – some mundane, while some of very important value.

 

One day, you told me you’re gay.

I remembered being surprised at that revelation. You have shown some things that were too much for normal men to do, like how you always wanted to look at guys whenever we go out on shopping errands. You always compliment men, but to women not that much. I didn’t even remember you having a girl crush, much less talking about it.

You told me you were worried about me, and our friendship. I told you that you will always be my friend, regardless of which side you sway in the blowing wind.

After that conversation, you became much more comfortable around me. Though I know there is always that small voice in your mind telling you to restrain yourself, you always showed me bright smiles and happy giggles. I wanted to think that confession has somewhat made our bond stronger.

 

Fast forward to our last year in high school, you wanted to meet me as soon as possible. I remembered rushing to our designated bench in the park, where we first met. You told me you have something to tell. From the way you put too much hearts and smileys on your text message, it must have meant something exciting.

I kept on thinking about it, as I walk to the park. _Did he get his monthly allowance earlier than expected? Did he win that huge teddy bear at the arcade down the lane? Did he get good marks in his Music class?_

I saw you seated on the bench, but you were with someone else. I wonder, who could that be?

You saw me from behind, and you called my attention.

“Hyung, I want you to meet Samuel, my boyfriend.”

I know I should be happy for you, because finally, you won’t get to use your unlimited subscription to chick flicks and you’ll get to experience how it feels to be loved, and to be in love with someone who loves you back. You won’t ask me about the small complications of love anymore, because you get to answer them yourself now.

I smiled at you, and to your _boyfriend._ Ugh, why is it so hard for me to say that word, to describe that guy whose arms are around you now?

Maybe it’s just jealousy, because you will have lesser time to be spending with me and more time with him. Ah, maybe that’s it.

 

I still remember that one stormy night, when you called me at 3 in the morning.

I was sleeping soundly when the ringing of my phone woke up abruptly. _Who the hell calls at three in the morning, for crying out loud?_

I groped in the dark for my phone, and when I saw it was you, all the sleepiness vanished in an instant and my focus became crystal clear.

I answered the phone. “Daehwi, what’s the matter?”

You choked in your spit, trying to steady your shaking voice. “Hyung, Samuel broke up with me.”

 

You were moping over your breakup for two weeks, and it became a habit for you to crash at my place on some nights, watching the romcoms and the chick flicks you have stopped watching when you were with Samuel. I figured you wanted to fill that empty void in your heart by watching romantic movies, hoping your heart would flutter every time the boy and the girl kisses, but whenever you see people being lovey-dovey in front of you, even on television, you always have your eyes brimming with tears, and you would cry and sob and ask me why Samuel broke up with you.

I don’t know the answer to that myself, so I just pulled your face closer to my chest, and allow you to cry your heart out. I offered to be your handkerchief, and you used that chance liberally. I was happy I could be of help to my best friend.

“You don’t need him, Daehwi. Your friends are here for you. I am here for you,” I kept on murmuring this to you, and you would nod, and cry fresh tears again.

I was happy I could be of help to you, but oddly enough, there’s that dull pain somewhere in my chest that I couldn’t identify or associate with something whenever your tears would soak my shirt wet.

 

Several weeks later, we learned that you have gotten back with Samuel. I was angry at both of you: I was angry at you because you gave him another chance to hurt you again, and to Samuel because I know, my gut feeling has been yelling at me, that he would not be deserving of that second chance you gave. However, I cannot say you did the wrong choice, because saying that would make you sad again and I don’t want to see you in that state ever again.

So I swallowed those lumps in my throat and smiled at you, even though the dull pain in my chest resurfaced and it was tad stronger than last time.

I kept on brushing it off, but it would come back whenever I see you with him. It’s awkward and uncomfortable to me, but I shrug it off seeing that smile in your face.

I still don’t know why I feel this way, though.

 

You have gotten together with Samuel again, but compared to your first chance at him, you smile lesser and lesser when you’re with him. You constantly fought with him, over the simplest of things sometimes (like that one time when you chose the wrong flavor of milk tea for him and he yelled at you in front of his friends) and your smiles were replaced by grimaces.

I hate seeing you grimace.

You always run to me when you get into a fight with him, and you always ask me the same question.

“Hyung, am I not enough for him?”

I would tell you, “You’re more than enough for him. It’s his fault he never gets to appreciate it.”

Lee Daehwi, you are more than enough for him, remember that.

Then I would pull you into a hug, but compared to the times when we hug before, there’s no giddy feeling anymore. Instead, the dull pain in my chest becomes even more defined, making me more suffocated with every hug.

 

Your fights with Samuel became more frequent, though thankfully it didn’t escalate into something physical. Even though your face is smiling, I know that your heart is always bruised and bloodied, something I hate to acknowledge. Your smiles never reach your eyes anymore, and you became more and more tired as time went by.

One day, you asked me a question that even I didn’t have an answer (a definite one, I mean).

“Hyung, do you think Samuel is the one always there for me?”

I had to physically restrain myself not to say, “I’m here for you, and I don’t know why you always have to look for him while I’m just here sitting beside you all the time,” and I just swallowed it, the bitter taste not leaving my mouth for a while.

Daehwi, I am always here for you.

 

I woke up one night with a sudden realization that I love you, Daehwi. I’m not gay, and you know that, but it dawned on me that no other girl can even match the smiles you give to me whenever you joke around or doing those silly dances in front of me. No other girl can even match the happiness in my heart whenever you smile my way, or whenever you praise me into something I did.

I talked to my mum about it, and I was happy she said it was fine. She even favored you!

But it pains me to see that Samuel can only make you happy, and not me. I don’t want to be selfish and cage you in my heart, knowing that it was Samuel you really love.

 

Should I just smile and accept the fact that you are the best thing I will never have, or should I hold onto that tiny ray of hope, that small light at the end of the dark tunnel, and believe that you have feelings for me, that you love me the way I do?

 

*******

Daehwi folds the letter he has been reading for several times now. His chest heaves with breathing, as though the air becomes thicker and it makes him hard to breathe. Tears flow freely out of his eyes, streaking his face with the salty liquid.

 _I’m so sorry I was too dense to notice that, hyung,_ he thinks as he looks at Jinyoung’s framed photo in front of him. _I’m so sorry I never gave you that chance._

_I just wished you never gave me your life, when you tried to save me in that car crash. I’m very sorry, hyung. I love you, Bae Jinyoung._

_I love you so much, it pains me how I can never reciprocate your feelings back anymore._

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on Curiouscat! @minhyungshyung


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